When I first started telling people I was going to be spending a year in Madagascar, a common response went something along these lines:
"Wow! That's so brave of you- I couldn't live in a foreign country...too scary! Good on you for having the courage to travel that far for so long!"
But in truth, I don't think leaving is all that hard. When you leave home, you're preparing to explore new things, discover new truths about yourself, the world, and your place in it. It's exciting, and sure, it's a little scary. But you've got all this support from friends and family, helping fuel the excitement and anticipation.
Leaving only takes one moment of insane courage- the split second when you hand the gate attendants your boarding pass and then take the next step through the gate.
Once you get to your new home, things take less courage, in that you no longer have a choice. Your survival in this new place is contingent on learning the language, finding safe routes to travel, navigating the markets, making friends...it's still scary at times, but you have to do it. There isn't much courage in doing what is necessary, in my thinking. Bravery, to me, must involve a choice. And there isn't much choice in survival. Deciding to survive, yes. But once you're committed to doing what it takes to survive...then it's just doing what needs to be done. Not much choice.
But choosing to go back? To return? I think that takes the most courage of all.
When you return, you're choosing what you know will be a constant challenge. When you return, there's no new and exciting things to discover. You know when you return that life will be much the same as you left it. Peoples' lives will have gone on without you, much in the same way they would have if you had stayed.
No, the only thing that will be new will be you.
You'll have changed, grown accustomed to a new culture and way of life, developed new attitudes and opinions on matters both frivolous and of the utmost importance, and have a more globally informed view of the world and your place in it. But for the most part, your home --family and friends-- will be the same. Your safe spot, where you know you'll always be welcome and can always turn to, no longer....isn't quite right. You just don't fit right anymore.
By choosing to return, you're choosing to be constantly straddling two very different worlds- ad you know that you won't really fit in either anymore.
It can be so tempting to ignore "home", to live instead in constant newness and excitement. To keep traveling. We blame it on the travel bug, romantically sigh over our newfound wanderlust. But it isn't the desire to go somewhere as much as it is the desire to fit somewhere. To belong. To have other people around who understand you. When you travel, you know you will find new sisters and brothers: who speak the same language as your soul. Who have scattered pieces of their hearts across the world. Who don't fit in any one place. Who know that this is the only place that they really belong now.
By choosing to return to where you started, you're choosing to constantly remain a little bit the outsider, in hopes of maybe influencing a few people. Maybe changing a few minds, challenging a few prejudices.
That is far more courageous than stepping onto an airplane.
