I opened my laptop the other day to an email from my country director, Kirsten. I have to admit upon seeing the subject line, "Madagascar Site Placement", that I didn't open it for an entire day.
Although friends and family call me 'fearless', in reality I am far from it. In fact, I am often completely paralyzed by fear. Sometimes to the point where I won't even open an email for 24 hours, just for fear of what it might say.
Eventually panic overtakes fear, and I open the email.
Hannah Kaitschuk
Teaching English, Community Support, Writing & Research
Location: Tanjombato (suburb of Antananarivo)
Hannah will live with active members of the congregation. The husband and wife have both been on council and other leadership roles.
They are thrilled to have another volunteer with them; they will make many efforts to get her involved with the activities of the church.
From Tanjombato she will go to the countryside and the city. In the country she will be teaching English and will be supported by Leon, the site supervisor and many year veteran of MELCAM (Madagascar ELCA Missionaries). She will also go into the city to teach English and
write articles for the Lutheran Printing House's youth magazine.
With any luck we will also get Hannah involved with some research for the project manager of the FLM (the Malagasy Lutheran Church).
At Tanjombato, Hannah can be involved in the many actives of the church like choir, English clubs, and homeless ministries.
Hannah, this site offers many varieties of settings and because of your proximity to the city there will be many other opportunities that may arise! Your host family is big and active and you will have your own room on the third floor (away from much of the action) with a pretty nice view of the sunset.
...And start getting used to being called Anna. The way Hannah gets pronounced here, it sounds like Hena, which in Malagasy means 'meat'. You probably don't want to be referred to as meat all year. ;)
And after reading all that, I still took another half a day to respond.
I am far from fearless.
But as nervous as I may be, this email was a good reminder of something for me-- I may be far from fearless, but this is far from being about me.
I may be far from fearless, but this is far from about me.
So I'm scared. So I'm uncertain about my abilities to teach.
So what?
I'm reminded of something a friend of mine told me once he heard I was going to Mada. He told me, quite bluntly, "Look, just remember that your source of strength and hope of success come from God, and are not dependent on you. If He takes you there, God will guide, provide, and bless you."
He might not have said it, but it was implied: all you have to do is show up and trust in Him.
How's that for a (much needed) kick down the ego ladder?
So I'm scared. So I'm uncertain. So I'm uncomfortable.
So what?
It's not about me. It's about Him. And it's about learning and being humble. And it's about my Malagasy brothers and sisters.
All I have to do is show up and trust that God will help me through the uncertainties- which is more than enough work for this scared servant.
